You can mea culpa all you want
Write out some nightmarish heresy in some garish font
Mea culpa all you want
Write it in some garish font
Step on the gas
Let out the clutch
You can only take back so much
Apology not accepted
Apology not accepted
Bawling while you’re crawling back to me
Won’t reset to factory settings satisfactorily
Bawling, crawling back to me
Won’t reset to factory
Step on the gas
Let out the clutch
You can only take back so much
Apology not accepted
Apology not accepted
Think your little dance’ll
Fix this mess, you’ll wave your hands and poof,
A second chance’ll coalesce
And you’ll be uncancelled
That’s as unlikely as it seems
That is the pipiest, the pipiest of dreams
I’ve been thinking
Now it’s sinking in
You should sit right down upon
A Lincoln Log and spin
Thinking it’s been sinking in
Sit on a Lincoln Log and spin
Step on the gas
Let out the clutch
You can only take back so much
Apology not accepted
Apology not accepted
Think your little dance’ll
Fix this mess, you’ll wave your hands and poof,
A second chance’ll coalesce
And you’ll be uncancelled
That’s as unlikely as it seems
That is the pipiest, the pipiest of dreams
Apology not accepted
Apology not accepted
Apology not accepted
Copyright 2025 Zach London
What Do the Mulchmen Do?
What do the mulchmen do?
What do the mulchmen do?
The mulchmen come from Allendale
Bing bong, bing bong
Harvest mulch and fill their wagons
Ha ha ha ha ha
Haul it down the mountainside
Spread it on suburban yards
Now you know what mulchmen do
So you won’t be afraid
Apple Bruises
Every apple has a little brown bit
It’s a bruise, it’s a bruise, you have found it
If you accidentally bite it
Don’t get too excited
But in general you should try to eat around it
If you have a pal to have a meal with
Grab an apple and a peeler you can peel with
Peel it to the core
But don’t drop it on the floor
Or you’ll have another apple bruise to deal with
The Island Sun
In the island sun
Having island fun
Where an island man
Plays an island drum
Toss an island dog
On an island bun
Get an island tan
In the island sun
In the island sun
In the island
In the island sun
Hobgoblins
Ding dong
Mrs. Green
Happy Halloween
What exactly do you mean by
“Are we goblins?”
Are we goblins?
Look at these costumes
We’re hobgoblins
Jesus, are you blind?
Are we goblins?
Look at these costumes
We’re hobgoblins
Jesus, are you blind?
Barney the Carnie
Said Harris the Ferris wheel driver
To Barney the Carnie
“Oh darn-y I’m
embarrassed to mention
The Ferris wheel engine is dead.”
Said Barney the Carnie
To Harris, “The Ferris wheel’s broken?
You’re jokin’
Henceforth, you’ll be Harris the carousel driver instead.”
The Awl
Please pass the awl
The awl, the tool
That I may punch a hole in upholstery
You passed me an owl
An owl, you fool
My hole will go unpunched
And that’s the whole story
Goose Droppings
There are goose droppings down in the meadow
Goose droppings come from the sky
Goose droppings come from somewhere close to heaven
That is where good geese go when they die
Ghost Train
(Chugga Chugga boo-boo)
Hear that ominous chug?
That’s the ominous chug
Of the ghost train
Freaky ghost train
Spewing shadowy steam
You hear the ghost train
Whistle sounds like a scream
All fear the ghost train
Chug! Boo!
I Hate People
I hate people
I hate all the people
The people I detest are the rest of the world
And you hate people
You hate the people too
Well that’s great, I can relate,
I think perhaps that we should date
But you’re still people
So I still hate you
Houlihan’s
You like the Irish fiddle?
Then come on down to Boyle’s
There’s fiddlers at Gallagher’s
And more at Tim O’Doyle’s
But all those loser fiddlers
And all their loser bands
Just wish that they
Would get to play
At Houlihan’s
Houlihan’s, Oh Houlihan’s
No also-rans at Houlihan’s
There’s nowhere that has cooler bands
Than Houlihan’s
Houlihan’s, Oh Houlihan’s
No also-rans at Houlihan’s
There’s nowhere that has cooler bands
Than Houlihan’s
Clear My Name
Got to clear my name
My bad reputation
Got to clear my name
‘Cause my name is dirt
Don’t call me James
Don’t call me Jason
Got to clarify
My name is Kurt
Jack Squat
If you want to pray for a toy robot
You should pray to Santa Claus
For Santa Claus is real
And Jack Frost is not
If you pray to Jack Frost
You’ll get jack squat
If you want a meal
Delicious and hot
You should hunt an antelope
For antelopes are real
And jackalopes are not
If you hunt for jackalopes
You’ll eat jack squat
Plaid
Plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid
See the world in plaid
Plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid
See the world in plaid
Come see Baghdad in plaid
Islamabad in plaid
The country Chad in plaid
Leningrad, you’ll need a time machine Cincinnati, wear plaid-y
Saint Maarten, sport the tartan
And I bet that plaid’ll
Look great on you in Seattle
Plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid
See the world in plaid
Plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid
See the world my lad
Fleas
Fleas have short memories
Have short memories
So fleas don’t fret
Fleas don’t fret about
Things you said about them
Fleas forgive and forget
Their memories
Fleas forgive and forget
Fleas (fleas) don’t (don’t)
Fleas (fleas) don’t (don’t)
Fleas (fleas) don’t (don’t)
Fret
Fleas have short memories
Have short memories
So fleas forget
Their enemies
Fleas forgive and forget
Asian Pan
The wok is an Asian pan
That is used in China, not in Japan
It’s an Asian pan
That is not in Japan
So it’s not a Pan-Asian pan
Lauren London - piano, additional vocals
Malcolm London - additional vocals
Josh Siegel - additional vocals
Copyright 2025 Zach London
You might be timid, sure
Don’t let that limit your
Your love of immature brains
Would it be premature
To say we’re pretty much sure
You’ll love these immature brains
If you’re a connoisseur
We’re here to harness your
Your love of immature brains
Adjust your aperture
We are gonna match
Your rapture and capture
Your love of immature
Your love of immature brains
We love our immature brains
We love our immature brains
If you’re an amateur
You might just damage your brain,
You’ll need a bandage
Your band will need a manager
Set a perimeter
This child is miniature
Perhaps we’ll image her
Image her immature brain
Let’s image all the immature brains
Oh, in three different planes
Immature brains
Limited, primitive and immature brains
Immature brains
Dimwitted, diminutive immature brains
Immature brains
Immature brains
Copyright 2025 Zach London
Ouch
If I never get off of this couch
I won’t find any pain
But the pain will find me
Pain will find me
LOL
If I lie there as still as a doll
I may not be aware of the
Chains that bind me
Chains that bind my gloom
Is it safe to assume
There’s no use if existing’s exhausting
Inclusive of crossing the room
You’ll thank me later you must look busy
Busy no matter what
There is only one rule here
You must look busy
Busy no matter what
Gals
Having fun in your fancy locales
Posting pics of your pups and your
Pals with posh slang
Hashtag SloshedGang
Boys
Your incessant and deafening noise
Can’t you dampen or deaden
The honk beep crash clang
Zap thump boing bang boom
I could pop in on Zoom
There’s no use if existing’s exhausting
Inclusive of crossing the room
You’ll thank me later you must look busy
Busy no matter what
There is only one rule here
You must look busy
Busy no matter what
Gonna practice in front of the mirror
One simple phrase
That things are crazy
Things these days
Heed, dear counterpart
I’m busier than thou art
Must look busy, just look busy
Must look busy, just look busy
Must look busy, just look busy
Must look busy, just look busy
Lauren London - Additional Vocals
Copyright 2025 Zach London
