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Dear Mrs. Jobst,

Here’s my late book report I shirked in third grade
Chapter one, a dethroned king gets lost in a glade
Hears cries from an ax with its head wedged in a trunk,
The good king came to its aid
It was then, as he wrested it free that the ax, turned into a man

And said oh, oh, oh
We need more friends
The moral goes
We need more friends

Each of the next five days the king heard a voice
A snake tied in a knot, a fire getting moist
Bees, trees and elephants needing rescue, aid the king gave freely and with poise
And surprise, when assistance was rendered, the five of them turned into guys

And said oh, oh, oh
We need more friends
The moral goes
We need more friends

The final chapter sees the king and his crew
Completing feats and deeds of bold derring-do
Then it derails with this dated plot about his right to claim the ingenue
But til then, it’s an uplifting tale of the kindness of transforming men

And said oh, oh, oh
We need more friends
The moral goes
We need more friends
The moral goes
The moral goes


Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2022 Zach London

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The Plexus
It’s what connects us
Like a boss, from Boston across to Austin, Texas
It is the plexus that takes you there
The plexus, it lets us put our hands in the air

So hook ‘em up up, up up
So hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up up, up up
So hook ‘em up up up, up up

So hook ‘em up, up up
Hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up, up up up
Hook ‘em up
Hook ‘em up, up, up up

Call me Augusta, Augusta Klumpke
You’re just a flunky for this lower trunk junkie
I am superb, just like Erb, but more so
My plexus, it lets us drop the mic on the floor

So hook ‘em up up, up up
You hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up up, up up
So hook ‘em up up up, up up

So hook ‘em up, up up
Hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up, up up up
Hook ‘em up
Hook ‘em up, up, up up

The plexus, it’s so infectious
I’ve a got shoulder and it protects this
I activate it at every chance
The plexus affects the success of your chicken dance

So hook ‘em up up, up up
You hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up up, up up
So hook ‘em up up up, up up

So hook ‘em up, up up
Hook ‘em up up, up up
Got to hook ‘em up, up up up
Hook ‘em up
Hook ‘em up, up, up up

Augusta Klumpke!


Lauren London - additional vocals
Brian Wolkenberg - acoustic guitar
Micah Wolkenberg - marimba
Shaina Wolkenberg - lead vocals

Copyright 2021 Zach London

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Me and my neighbors are cavers
Hunters and grunters bravely gathered
In our favorite cave,
It’s safer from the saber-toothed hazard
And we’re slathered up
In mud and swinging big old clubs and singing batter up
Batter up
Hunter and gather up

Our sorry little grotto will protect us
Domo arigato, homo erectus
Yo, aI paint my hand on the wall
Just take gander, ya’ll
And when I wander yonder, I’m a m-m-m-meander-thal

We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming to the paleo
On the daily-o

I’m a hirsute brute, I’m fully nudist besides
The cutest suit that hides my nethers with some leathers and hides
Hey guys, guys, guys
I’m a biped, that means I got a hand up
I got that knuckle dragger swagger by I’m willing to stand up
And I do stand up
So… what did the mastodon say to the naked man?
How do you even breathe through that thing?
Get it? He was mistaken, man?
You’re a great a crowd and
So now,
We’re straining the limit, the limit of primitive know-how
With a monosyllabic delivery so I can show how
With our jokes and our foreheads, we always go low brow
What? Low brow

We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming to the paleo
On the daily-o

Got a tiny brain, Imma fool with it
Made fire, now I am not cool with it
Made a shovel, now I’m in a hole with it
I invented the wheel, and now I am gonna roll with it

Given the mythically difficult diction of australopithecus
I am prolific as often I’m perfectly pithy,
But paleolithically-speaking I’m freaking terrific at cryptical petroglyphs
Never heard of those?
Picture retro gifs.
(Retro gifs?)

And nothing can dwarf the release of endorphins
From painting a boar fighting anthropomorphics
And nothing can dwarf the release of endorphins
Faarom painting a boar fighting anthropomorphics

We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing allright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing allright
Despite our mental bandwidth
And we’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re jamming to the paleo
On the daily-o

We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright, alright
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright, alright
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright, alright
We’re not fully man
But we’re full of woolly mammoth
And we’re doing alright, alright


Copyright 2021 Zach London