Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Manny’s second wife had a Basset mix
It had floppy old jowls so they named him Nixon
Old Diesel was a hound in Dottie’s Body Shop
He’d always bark when a spark plug needed fixin’
And Walter wouldn't put a leash on
His Bichon named Blue
But he hasn’t been around a good hound since ‘92
Doug had a pug who would chew through tires
So they put him in a cone and he chewed the cone off
Elaine had a Great Dane also named Elaine
So when the landlord called, she would hand the phone off
And now they doing crafts and jigsaws
With dogs on their minds
So Buddy, we should bring one by to Silver Pines
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Bruiser used to ride along with Officer Sherm
Til he threw up in the cruiser and they made him resign
Sally used to rally and protest Vietnerm
And she’d dress up Bess in a collar with a peace sign
Bev never had a dog growing up
And every night she cried
Well hell, let’s get that rectified
Molly had a collie who shed like stank
So she kept the fur to stuff the pillows
And Mona had a bone to pick with her bulldog, Hank
Who would leave her fresh-killed armadillos
There’s plenty of folks in the day room
And plenty of dogs in the pound
And plenty of belly rubs to go around
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Ooh, take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Copyright 2025 Zach London
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a penny farthing bicycle
Raphael:
The name is Raphael
And I’m the mouthy orphan, often mouthing off
Oh well, I guess the endorphins get me off
When something awful sets me off and I
Froth at the mouth
And scoff, fly off the handle
And I channel my animal wrath
Cause anger management was never my path
And I’m drawn to confrontation like a flame to a moth
And if the Foot Clan set’s foot in our turf
Should they be so clueless,
I’ll shank them with my two sais, til their shoe size is two less
I’ll stab ‘em and jab ‘em
I’ll shiv ‘em and give ‘em a need for a non-steroidal
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a gear-driven steam wagon
Donatello:
Oh, hello
Who’s that savvy fellow?
Why, it’s me!
I’m the thinker and the tinker Donatello
I know stuff
I like to blow stuff up
And when the go gets rough
I raise my Bo Staff up!
I’ve got the means to the nicest devices and machines for when our team is in a crisis
So pass me a slice while I dice up these contraptions
And if you can’t hear just read the captions
So please observe, I’m the urban perp who looks superb in the purple
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a trench coat and fascinator
Leonardo:
To make pizza, you need raw dough and tomato
To make a leader you need me to lead the squad in the grotto
Pardon, I’m the battle-hardened guardian katana desperado Leonardo
So domo arigato!
I’m in charge
I’m Leonar-ar-ardo
In a pinch, call Da Vinch.
That’s my mo-o-otto
I’m all bravado
The chief, the bossy prima donna
Wanna settle every beef
Cause I’m the Set-tl-er of Katana
I’m Splinter’s shoo-in for most prudent student
A Steam Age Ninja Turtle Mutant
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a clockwork unicycle
Michelangelo:
Nunckucka laka laka Nunckucka laka Nunckucka laka laka Nunchuck
I’m fifteen or sixteen
And this teen is pristine
Let’s paint the town red
Just like I painted the Sistine
I’m Michelangelo (Ho!)
Pass the mic to Mikey if you likey
It’s a 24-hour party in my psyche
Cowabunga, dudes.
I’ve got a hunger for fun
Like all you younger dudes
So it’s no wonder who’s the one
They put on the Underoos when all is said and done
That’s the clincher
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Turtle Ninja
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a coal-driven skateboard
Splinter:
If you’re a student of Budokon
You might know my pseudonym
Splinter, the wisest rat
Outside the Secret of NIMH
Since a rogue canister of radioactive mutagen
Got in the sewage then
Who’s the Wonderful Wizard of Ooze?
The sage
Is in the house
I’ve been waging war
While raising four
Teenagers in the house
Goodness me, golly gee,
I offer no apology
I’m a master of shinobi and
Scholar of herpetology and
N-I-N-J-A is my starting word in Wordle
Like a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a dirigible biplane
April:
Live in 3… 2…
For Channel 6 News, this is April O’Neil
What is mutagenic ooze?
We’ll reveal in the newsreel at noon
We’ll meet the heroes in the sewers
For exclusive interviews of them
So viewers stay tuned
Who’s that making a stir
At the top of her game?
A hurricane with an Irish surname
A Fox and a ginger nerd
In talks with the ninja turtles
My brass zephyr
In fast pursuit
For Channel 6 news, this is April O’Neil
Having a red letter day
In a yellow leather jumpsuit
Shredder:
Shredder is on the premises
Witness the genesis of a better nemesis
The party pooper
For the rodent and his stupid scruples
The supervillain super-killin’ his quadruple pupils
You’ll be under the foot of the Foot Clan like a Shih Tzu
When we blitz you
Then it hits you
That you never learned jack all about any tactical practical parts of ninjutsu
A permanent helmet cause I’m ugly
And bladed armour just to harm anyone who tries to hug me I’m
Criminally masterminding injuries and hurdles
For the Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a zeppelin, zephyr, ornithopter, gyrocopter
Pizza:
Pizza here, beloved meal of millions
In particular these sewer-bound reptilians
I got pneumatic tubes and clockworks
Sprinkled with zinc dust
Which set me apart from your typical thin crust
Their address stumps the delivery guy
Whenever he try to deliver every pie
I espy that he’s flustered, but I must not speak
Although the rust in the gears in my crust might squeak
And say, “Check the manhole, or the airship
If you drop me and run, you’ll never get a fair tip.”
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a top hat and monocle
Lauren London - April
Malcolm London - Donatello
Based on TMNT Theme Song by Chuck Lorre
Copyright 2025 Zach London
She loves the smell of a bookstore
After a heavy rain
That’s just terrific and oddly specific
And I can’t spell her middle name
We could rent skates and go halfsies
She’s got a widow’s peak
She wears sunny lines from the cracks in the blinds
And when it is my turn to speak
I freeze
She’s It and I freeze
Didn’t I, didn’t I freeze?
One day I wake up in Montreal
Stolen jewels down my shirt
There’s things you can’t check on a flight from Quebec
And the cavity searches might hurt
I am too bush-league for Interpol
Too small potates for the feds
So I’m just beat down by some local heat
With whom I find myself at loggerheads
And I freeze
They’re it and I freeze
Didn’t I, didn’t I freeze?
Freeze
You’re it and I freeze
Didn’t I, didn’t I freeze?
I was your five-year-old laptop
You were the child wonder
And I can’t wait ‘til we both lie in state
In the capitol rotunda
Freeze
You’re it and I freeze
Didn’t I, didn’t I freeze?
Copyright 2024 Zach London
We had a month, I trust we’ve all read the assignment front to back back back
And as your host, I chose to focus close on post-exile Dostoevsky mostly
We should settle down and stay on track but
Jen’s got a second book group
I’m sorry, but that’s just absurd
Jen’s got a second book group
Where they talk facial scrubs and Oscar snubs
And never read a word
What can I do?
Wish I had a second book group too
Does Fyodor explore if self-determination is free will, Jill?
And speaking of, I think we’d love to hear how one could choose
Two-timing this sacred circle
For some rosé-fueled perverted thrill and
Jen’s got a second book group
I’m sorry, but that’s just absurd
Jen’s got a second book group
Where they talk CSAs and Chardonnays and never read a word
What can I do?
Wish I had a second book group too
Someone owes us an apology
Does your side fling even print out a color coded question key?
Jen’s got a second book group
It’s just too awful not to look
Jen’s got a second book group
And not to gossip but
It’s possible they never crack a book
What can I do?
Lauren London - vocals
Copyright 2024 Zach London
