I’ve got a Parisian
Quiche for every occasion
This isn’t a pastiche of quiche
My niche is my quiche is artesian
Or artisan if
It isn’t artesian I don’t know the diff
Regardless, I’m building prestige
By unleashing a legion of quiche in your region
I placed a
Fig paste at the base of pastry
Then graced it with a glaze
From a coulis de fraise
That’s basically tasty for days
Now you’re jonesing
For my scones
Like the rest of the Francophiles
And the rank-and-file francophones
Who line up for miles and miles and file in for macarons
It’s a mystery
It’s a quandary
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
We’re making history
Baking, mon cherie
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
Need a nosh? Have skosh of ganache brioche
What’s that? You’re a fan of Au Bon Pain?
Gosh, that’s gauche
By the banks of the Seine, the men they talk a lot
Of my pain au chocolat,
I wake up and bake ‘em at 4 am
My baguettes and galettes are the crumb de la crème
My response to your taunts
Is by all accounts my croissants
Are the envy of St. Genevieve
At the best restaurants in Provence
They’re all anyone wants
If you eat more
You’ll have la petit mort
Right there in your pants
But nobody cares… this is France
It’s a mystery
It’s a quandary
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
We’re making history
Baking, mon cherie
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
I’m no amateur sandwicher,
I can brandish a poulet crudités
I can manage a hand mixer or a stand mixer,
I’m a damn wizard either way
There’s no disputing my pâte au lait is highfalutin
Just stick your snoot in and sniff the gluten
That smell is the belle
That smell is the belle of the Champs-Elysees
Ooh, let me be crystal eclair
I’m the Voltaire
Of desserts
The rolling pin king
And the kingpin of rolls that steal so many hearts that it hurts
Ooh, it’s an homage to fromage
In cheeses name we give thanks
For a fresh cake
For a French franc
For a deft bake
On the left bank
Tu dois essayer le pain de la boulangerie au coin de la rue. C’est magnifique! Ou pas. Quand meme.
It’s a mystery
It’s a quandary
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
We’re making history
Baking, mon cherie
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie?
Is this a patisserie
Or a boulangerie
Cathy Bettcher - additional vocals
Praveen Dayalu - additional vocals
Nate Kurcz - additional vocals
Lauren London - additional vocals
Malcolm London - additional vocals
Alex Rogers - additional vocals
Cristina Rojas - additional vocals
Russell Schwartz - additional vocals
Suzette Wanninkhof - additional vocals
Copyright 2026 Zach London
