A Better Whatever

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Hey Devil, you are not real, but if you were, you’d be a pal of mine
‘Cause I'll shake hands with any gentlemen
And when you’d shake mine,
You'd see it's gentle because of calamine and aloe and lanolin
I'm levelheaded cause Ritalin
Breathing fine because Ventolin
So put me the first in line when they make fake adrenaline
Keep that venom in my flannel and denim ‘til I’m a skeleton
Just handle it
Land me a self-playing mandolin
I mean, I fiddle a little, but I’m fair to middlin’
You sizzle on fiddle and I want to channel it
Damn!
Make me as stoic as Riddick, acidic as Anakin
Damn!
Make me exotic, erotic and hot as a Dominican mannequin
And make Alyson Hannigan be my date for the high school clambake (Who?)
Satan, make all that happen
Maybe I’ll grant you that handshake

I want to be a better
Make me a better whatever
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for

Richard Scarry made it very clear that none of it’s demeaning
Folks in Busytown are sweeping
Housekeeping, plumbing and heating
Leading meetings, proceedings
Busy banking and cleaning
Every animal’s content in the knowledge that her work has meaning
Me? My dream was ready-made
I’d don a white coat and red cape and cut the red tape of Medicaid with a machete blade
If I could ace a test and rack up grades
Surely, I could face off ALS and tackle AIDS
Earn my accolades
See, you achieve what you believe, they say
Which is enticingly nice advice and surprisingly naive
And every day that I get blood on my sleeve
I wonder if I’m causing more net pain than I relieve

I want to be a better
Make me a better whatever
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
Want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever

Yo kids, so kids, hello, how goes it?
How's showbiz?
Did you read Joe’s obit?
They wrote of him he got a Chuck Norris total gym and totally got his reps in
He was so fit
So tidbit: he bit it
And we buried him with his FitBit so he could still get his steps in
No shit!

And maybe my gym shoes
Have really not been used
Am I out on a limb to say I should be slim because I pay my gym dues every month?
Then I look in chagrin on my skin and my chin and my shin and my sinews
And the way that I’m built
And I’m psycho with guilt and the cycle continues
So I attack the track
And practice abs and back
Stack successes
Take a crack at a six pack at 6 AM in the blackness
But I can’t hack it, get distracted
Start to slack and relax and backtrack and
The impact is taxing and I’m off of my axis
But if the act of being active makes you more attractive
Have the grace to face the basic fact that
Self-actualization is actually a fundamentally selfish act
Exactly

I want to be a better
I want to be a better
Make me a better whatever
I want to be a better
Make me a better whatever
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
Want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
I want to be a better whatever for everyone
Everyone, everyone


Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2017 Zach London

Hard Taco Radio

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