Should you come across a mad polar bear
Toss a snowball aloft above his head
Then channel those lessons from Phys Ed
And when he looks up,
Chuck another one hard at his eye
Ancient Rome is our ancestral home
So to us, XXX just means thirty
But even in Latin, that’s dirty
‘Cause back then, that’s the age
That your teeth would fall out and you’d die
I/we have taught you everything that we know
Now you must write your own book
You must write your own book
You must write your own
We will not berate those you chose for a mate
Unless… unless they have a man-bun
Or a dog allergy or a handgun
Or if they’re a loser with 4+ tattoos or a beard
Should they decry that your maintenance is high
And run like a horse at the Preakness
They’re just jealous of your uniqueness
At least that’s what my folks said to me when they realized I’m weird
I/we have taught you everything that we know
Now you must write your own book
You must write your own book
You must write your own
If someone confronts you, say, “Fight me”
And if they prove right, then say, “Bite me”
Now you must do all of
Your own research to solve
These conundrums hereafter
But kid, you can still cite me
You can still cite me
And when playing your part casts a weight on your heart
Just plunge yourself back into nature
Commune with a yak or a glacier
Their hues aren’t as bold from afar as they are from close up
And with grace, we shall grant you your space
In accordance with time-honored guidelines
But we’ll still be pacing the sidelines
Cheering our throats out for you ‘til the planet blows up
I/we have taught you everything that we know
Now you must write your own book
You must write your own book
You must write your own book
Preeta Gupta - violin
Lauren London - additional vocals
Copyright 2023 Zach London
