From "Jupiter the Balloon Horse"
i. The First Three Wars
The first three wars
The first three wars
Let's start rehashin
Cause Ive got a passion for
The first three wars
The first three wars
Children of all ages
It gives me unnatural pleasure
To present to you a magnificent display of history
The largest, fiercest and most alarming review of history
Ever brought before the eyes of civilized man!
The first three wars
The first three wars
I can't relax
When there are so many facts about
The first three wars
The first three wars
Behold, the Mighty Stamp Tax!
In ring two, you will gasp and swoon for the War of 1812
Finally, the most horrific and educational display of historiophony,
At a startling 1 minute and 40 seconds, the American Civil War!
ii. Stamp Tax
We won't stand your Stamp Tax
Or tolerate your Intolerable Acts
We'll tar and feather your Tories
In all thirteen territories
And we'll run free
In the land of opportunity
We'll dump our tea
In the sea of opportunity
U (U)
S (S)
A!
iii. 18:12
18:12 (was a war!)
Was a military war
And it's military time for
12 past 6 (past six)
In the afternoon (Oh no!)
And I'll tell you what I'm for
If we fight for the rest of the year, my friend
We could call it the war of the year we 're in
18:12 (was a war!)
Maybe more than one war
It's what I studied math for
18/12ths (9/6ths)
Of a war would be more (Oh no!)
More like one and a half wars
If we fight for the rest of the year, my friend
We could call it the war of the year we 're in
If we fight for the rest of our lives, my friend
We could call it the war of the life we 're in
We 're in!
iv. The Civil War
The Civil War was really bad
Brother versus brother
Father versus mother
And we sing this song because we feel real bad
That all of that aggression
And that mess about secession
Well, we 're sorry that it happened
And I guess it's safe to say that we feel bad.
The Civil War was really bad
Brother versus brother
Father versus mother
And we sing this song because we feel real bad
That all of that aggression
And that mess about secession
Well, we 're sorry that it happened
And I guess it's safe to say that we feel bad.
v. The First Three Wars Reprise
The first three wars
The first three wars
Til someone stops us
We'll play our synopsis of
The first three wars
The first three wars
We hope you enjoyed the show as much as we did, although I, for one, doubt it.
That is because you are the most glorious audience
Ever assembled in the annals of this great nation!
Reverently, and without hesitation, we bid you all a good afternoon!
(Lauren London - additional vocals
Russell Schwartz - additional vocals
Josh Siegel - co-author of "Stamp Tax")
Copyright 1993, 1996, 2006 Zach London