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Vermeer only made 45 paintings
34 still exist
Is that what you want to be, want to be?
That’s no aesthetic, if I’m honest
No aesthetic if I’m honest
Take it from someone who’s made
Hundreds of superfluous lists
It’s all about quantity, quantity
Pretty pathetic, Johannes
Pretty pathetic, Johannes

More and more
Eclipsing your tolerance
A thousand ants
Climb your leg
All at once

We got to ride
We got to ride the wave
XL@XS, XL@XS
We got to ride
We got to ride the wave
XL@XS, XL@XS

You need a lot
Need a lot more
You need a shot
Sure, here’s a generous Scotch pour
Yeah

Vermeer made one painting a year
Of which just a handful remain
You call it quality, quality
That doesn’t make him a master
Doesn’t make him a master
He worked as if there was a single ant controlling his brain
You need a colony, colony
To get you doodling faster
To get you doodling faster

More and more
Eclipsing your tolerance
A thousand ants
Climb your leg
All at once

We got to ride
We got to ride the wave
XL@XS, XL@XS
We got to ride
We got to ride the wave
XL@XS, XL@XS

You need a lot
You need a lot more
Need to shop ‘til you drop
Drop you off at the general store


Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2025 Zach London

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Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay

Manny’s second wife had a Basset mix
It had floppy old jowls so they named him Nixon
Old Diesel was a hound in Dottie’s Body Shop
He’d always bark when a spark plug needed fixin’
And Walter wouldn't put a leash on
His Bichon named Blue
But he hasn’t been around a good hound since ‘92

Doug had a pug who would chew through tires
So they put him in a cone and he chewed the cone off
Elaine had a Great Dane also named Elaine
So when the landlord called, she would hand the phone off

And now they doing crafts and jigsaws
With dogs on their minds
So Buddy, we should bring one by to Silver Pines

Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay

Hey driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay

Bruiser used to ride along with Officer Sherm
Til he threw up in the cruiser and they made him resign
Sally used to rally and protest Vietnerm
And she’d dress up Bess in a collar with a peace sign

Bev never had a dog growing up
And every night she cried
Well hell, let’s get that rectified

Molly had a collie who shed like stank
So she kept the fur to stuff the pillows
And Mona had a bone to pick with her bulldog, Hank
Who would leave her fresh-killed armadillos

There’s plenty of folks in the day room
And plenty of dogs in the pound
And plenty of belly rubs to go around

Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Hey Driver,
Take me down to the pound
Lord, I say
Got to pick me out a pooch
Who is long in the tooth
Take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay
Ooh, take her to the old folks’ home, Buddy
Take her where the old folks stay


Copyright 2025 Zach London

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Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a penny farthing bicycle

Raphael:
The name is Raphael
And I’m the mouthy orphan, often mouthing off
Oh well, I guess the endorphins get me off
When something awful sets me off and I
Froth at the mouth
And scoff, fly off the handle
And I channel my animal wrath
Cause anger management was never my path
And I’m drawn to confrontation like a flame to a moth
And if the Foot Clan set’s foot in our turf
Should they be so clueless,
I’ll shank them with my two sais, til their shoe size is two less
I’ll stab ‘em and jab ‘em
I’ll shiv ‘em and give ‘em a need for a non-steroidal
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a gear-driven steam wagon

Donatello:
Oh, hello
Who’s that savvy fellow?
Why, it’s me!
I’m the thinker and the tinker Donatello
I know stuff
I like to blow stuff up
And when the go gets rough
I raise my Bo Staff up!
I’ve got the means to the nicest devices and machines for when our team is in a crisis
So pass me a slice while I dice up these contraptions
And if you can’t hear just read the captions
So please observe, I’m the urban perp who looks superb in the purple
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a trench coat and fascinator

Leonardo:
To make pizza, you need raw dough and tomato
To make a leader you need me to lead the squad in the grotto
Pardon, I’m the battle-hardened guardian katana desperado Leonardo
So domo arigato!
I’m in charge
I’m Leonar-ar-ardo
In a pinch, call Da Vinch.
That’s my mo-o-otto
I’m all bravado
The chief, the bossy prima donna
Wanna settle every beef
Cause I’m the Set-tl-er of Katana
I’m Splinter’s shoo-in for most prudent student
A Steam Age Ninja Turtle Mutant

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a clockwork unicycle

Michelangelo:
Nunckucka laka laka Nunckucka laka Nunckucka laka laka Nunchuck
I’m fifteen or sixteen
And this teen is pristine
Let’s paint the town red
Just like I painted the Sistine
I’m Michelangelo (Ho!)
Pass the mic to Mikey if you likey
It’s a 24-hour party in my psyche
Cowabunga, dudes.
I’ve got a hunger for fun
Like all you younger dudes
So it’s no wonder who’s the one
They put on the Underoos when all is said and done
That’s the clincher
I’m a Steam Age Mutant Turtle Ninja

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a coal-driven skateboard

Splinter:
If you’re a student of Budokon
You might know my pseudonym
Splinter, the wisest rat
Outside the Secret of NIMH
Since a rogue canister of radioactive mutagen
Got in the sewage then
Who’s the Wonderful Wizard of Ooze?
The sage
Is in the house
I’ve been waging war
While raising four
Teenagers in the house
Goodness me, golly gee,
I offer no apology
I’m a master of shinobi and
Scholar of herpetology and
N-I-N-J-A is my starting word in Wordle
Like a Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtle

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a dirigible biplane

April:
Live in 3… 2…
For Channel 6 News, this is April O’Neil
What is mutagenic ooze?
We’ll reveal in the newsreel at noon
We’ll meet the heroes in the sewers
For exclusive interviews of them
So viewers stay tuned
Who’s that making a stir
At the top of her game?
A hurricane with an Irish surname
A Fox and a ginger nerd
In talks with the ninja turtles
My brass zephyr
In fast pursuit
For Channel 6 news, this is April O’Neil
Having a red letter day
In a yellow leather jumpsuit

Shredder:
Shredder is on the premises
Witness the genesis of a better nemesis
The party pooper
For the rodent and his stupid scruples
The supervillain super-killin’ his quadruple pupils
You’ll be under the foot of the Foot Clan like a Shih Tzu
When we blitz you
Then it hits you
That you never learned jack all about any tactical practical parts of ninjutsu
A permanent helmet cause I’m ugly
And bladed armour just to harm anyone who tries to hug me I’m
Criminally masterminding injuries and hurdles
For the Steam Age Mutant Ninja Turtles

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a zeppelin, zephyr, ornithopter, gyrocopter

Pizza:
Pizza here, beloved meal of millions
In particular these sewer-bound reptilians
I got pneumatic tubes and clockworks
Sprinkled with zinc dust
Which set me apart from your typical thin crust
Their address stumps the delivery guy
Whenever he try to deliver every pie
I espy that he’s flustered, but I must not speak
Although the rust in the gears in my crust might squeak
And say, “Check the manhole, or the airship
If you drop me and run, you’ll never get a fair tip.”

Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Steam age mutant ninja turtles
Heroes in a top hat and monocle


Lauren London - April
Malcolm London - Donatello
Based on TMNT Theme Song by Chuck Lorre

Copyright 2025 Zach London