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Check out the
M in STEM in academics
Slope is m in y=mx
Hope is slim when casting votes
When we’re taking names and kicking asymptotes
The rabble is fighting verbally
With parabolas and hyperbole
The abacus of the economist
Has become fabulous in its commonness
Numerical honesty is our policy
And honestly our quality’s bottomless
When equality’s an anomaly
The wannabes gonna be anonymous
You must trust our data’s
Just greater, just too muscular
Only thing worse than a hater’s a traitor
And the only thing worse than a traitor’s a buzz killer

Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
You Y’s

So many foreigners
Father, teach us about satire
So many foreigners
Very well
So many foreigners
Former foreigners
Swarming the borders of California
Forming enormous forces just to
Force us to gorge on gorditas and force-feed us shawarmas
Alarmist you call me?
Ya’ll appall me
if you don’t support the deporting of hordes and enforcing the borders,
You’re a morally horrible moron, at best
And at worst a deplorable commie
Of thank you, father!
So let me pro forma forewarn ya California
It’s cause and effect
And there’s always a formula

Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
You Y’s
You Y’s, you Y’s, you Y’s

Police brutality?
We can mangle it
Sexuality?
There’s an angle
The gang’ll link net neutrality to infant mortality
In a newfangled way til you can’t disentangle it
Takes two to tango, so says Jane Doe
It’s true, but I’ll prove two isn’t a single number
It’s an entire rainbow.
Me#Two
Lies and damned lies and stats
To beautify the plutocrats
Customized for the fattest cats
Lies and damned lies and stats
Lies and damned lies and stats
To beautify the plutocrats
Customized for the fattest cats
Lies and damned lies and stats

Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
Time to trick out your TI-85s
Give me Xs and I’ll make you Y’s
You Y’s
You Y’s, you Y’s, you Y’s


Lauren London - additional vocals
Malcolm London - additional vocals
Scarlett London - additional vocals


Copyright 2018 Zach London

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This year, millions will fall in love
Most were born since I met you
I was 19
The year was 19 something
You were 19, too
I was 19
The year was 19 something
You were 19, too

A girl in our dorm was misunderstood
I was no bully, but I smiled and stood by
And stood by the notion that I was the good guy
In this narrative I created

The summer before you’d had terrible headaches
Your boyfriend was, let’s just say, into athletics
You broke up and signed up for campus paramedics
Just to prove to yourself that you’d hate it

The year was 19 something
You were 19, too
The year was 19 something
You were 19, too

They say you’re not an artist if you don’t feel things deeply
But I don’t like fireworks, I see them concretely
Just 2D patterns you could achieve much more cheaply
On a screensaver from the nineties

I was painfully cautious, too fragile for first moves
A swing and a miss with a kiss would be worse than the worst news
But you brought the fireworks, and oh, how the Earth moves
I’ve never felt weaker in my knees

This year, millions will fall in love
Most were born since I met you
I was 19
The year was 19 something
You were 19, too
I was 19
The year was 19 something
You were 19, too


Copyright 2018 Zach London

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Na na na na na na
My my my Mateo
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

Shave those pits as The Lord intended
Now throw your hands up
Like you jumped off a
Like you jumped off a bridge
‘Cause your friends did
Drop the cash
Take off the mask real slow
Then throw your hands up
Like you jumped off a
Like you jumped off a bridge
‘Cause your friends did

S.O.S. you’re a henpecked mess
But don’t call Mateo
Don’t call ‘til you’ve got a
Bona fide verified code red
Sweet damn
That’s my jam
Saltier than Play-Doh
On the tongue
You better run
You better r-

Na na na na na na
My my my Mateo
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
My my my Mateo
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

I asked a question
Who was offended?
Now throw your hands up
Like you jumped off a
Like you jumped off a bridge
‘Cause your friends did
Don’t scream when the coaster’s plunging
Just throw your hands up
Like you jumped off a
Like you jumped off a bridge
‘Cause your friends did

Got a long run
With the wrong plus one?
Don’t call Mateo
Don’t call ‘til you're at the
Z e r o h o u r
Dark skies
Don’t talk, guys
Turn the volume clockwise
If you can
You’re a pigeon walking through a puddle
Three steps and your footprints evaporate

Na na na na na na
My my my Mateo
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
My my my Mateo
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na


Lauren London - additional vocals
Colin Lyness - keyboard
Micah Wolkenberg - drums

Copyright 2018 Zach London

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This is what we were like
This is how voices sound
When they are not yet beset by the crown

Before the weight of that divine ton of bricks
Before the Fates kissed our Powerball picks
Before the labs
Before the scan
Before the fame and scandal that changed the whole game plan

Here’s the shot where I burst
What a day, what a day
What a day that was, that will be
There’s the spot where I stood
When everything changed
For the worse
Changed for good

Before we all pinned regret to our coats
Before that call that ripped our hearts through our throats
Before the labs
Before the scan
Before the fame and scandal that changed the whole game plan

When everything changes our legs are worn out from all the pedaling backwards
Even though we have hand brakes
But we keep spinning ‘em anyway

You still have time, relax
Innocence, in a sense
In a sense you could say
When we help lift that raft
That is the gaffe
That will cost us our backs

Before the Nobel awards got away
Before we learned power chords were passe
Before the labs, before the scan
Before the smear campaign and the shame and the pain
And the fame and scandal that derailed the whole game plan


Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2018 Zach London

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