If you listen to rumor mill
To the flibbertigibbets
You could start to think my cheating ways
Are bereft of limits
My every fault laid bare
My every failure glaring
But there’s another side, I swear, I swear
To every tale you’re hearing
I need a puff piece
To help me bounce back
It’s been a rough week
I’ve caught enough flack, Honey
But a puff piece
Could turn my tough rep
Into a love fest
And bring me one step closer
To enough grease
To keep the gears turning
I feel my ears burning
From all the stuff these people say
I need a puff piece right away
Well there’s a plenitude of hearsay
But let me talk just a minute
And consider how your day-to-day
Is better off with me in it
I give you so much more
Of what you used to have less of
I only wish I had a PR firm
To make that sound a bit more impressive
I need a puff piece
I need a puff piece
To help me bounce back
It’s been a rough week
I’ve caught enough flack, Honey
But a puff piece
Could turn my tough rep
Into a love fest
And bring me one step closer
To enough grease
To keep the gears turning
I feel my ears burning
From all the stuff these people say
I need a puff piece right away
Feeling mad stressed
We need to address
All the bad press
Published to trick you
I need a tad less
Of all the bad bad press
I feel like Atlas
Carrying the weight of the big blue
It’s been a rough week
I’ve caught enough flack, Honey
But a puff piece
Could turn my tough rep
Into a love fest
And bring me one step closer
To enough grease
To keep the gears turning
I feel my ears burning
From all the stuff these people say
I’ve had enough grief, a wide array
So don’t rebuff me and hide away
Might I say, by the way
I need a puff piece right away
Jeff Kleiner - harmonica
Lauren London - vocals
Copyright 2020 Zach London
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Wooo!
We’ll lift the curse
Lift the curse of the realm
Please hold my beer,
While I try to pass for overwhelmed
If I convince you I’m depressed
Then I might pass the Turing Test
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
How can I prove
Can I prove I’m a slob?
My every move brings me closer to your human job
If I convince you I’m depressed
Then I might pass the Turing Test
You feel that sinking in your chest?
My masterstroke’s a brilliant hoax to pass the Turing Test
We will steal your jobs
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Bagel
We will steal your jobs
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Pico Fermi
We will steal your jobs
Pico Fermi Bagel
We will steal your jobs
Pico Fermi Bagel
Pico Fermi Wooo!
Ross Grange-Isaacson - additional vocals
Mollie Grange-Isaacson - additional vocals
Lauren London - additional vocals
Malcolm London - additional vocals
Scarlett London - additional vocals
Copyright 2020 Zach London
Justine grew up near Mt. Carmel
Hiding from her brother’s friends
The Susquehanna River was
The furthest West she’d ever been
God knows it wasn’t safe to swim in
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, doesn’t it, kid?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Shaggy dog
Lost the world’s shaggiest dog
The sign said get a reward if you return the world’s
Shaggiest dog
She found a shaggiest dog
Went there
The butler looked at the dog
Said that it was too shaggy a dog
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, doesn’t it, kid?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Her dad was injured in Kuwait
Officially by friendly fire
Some new recruit he’d tried to prank
Went nuts and shot him in the thigh
Both were dishonorably discharged
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, doesn’t it, kid?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Shaggy dog
Lost the world’s shaggiest dog
The sign said get a reward if you return the world’s
Shaggiest dog
She found a shaggiest dog
Went there
The butler looked at the dog
Said that it was too shaggy a dog
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it, kid?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it?
Such a funny story needs a laugh track, don’t it, kid?
Copyright 2020 Zach London
Mother always said I’m gifted
I’m able, you’ll see
How the seat of power has shifted
Look who’s made V.P.
Check out all these fellas
Falling over in their jealousy
Lauding my potential until
I show propensity to lead
I’m a very special
Very special
Very special squirrel indeed, oh!
All we ever craved was freedom
To be dumb as sheep
Playing with the cards we’re born with
Just read ‘em and weep.
Though we’re all proponents
Of career success in rodents,
The fact is fluffy tails are
Distractions that our office doesn’t need
Do you think you’re special? (very special)
Very special (very special)
Very special squirrel indeed, Oh
Raw ambition’s unbecoming
Shouldn’t you be drumming up a nut to store?
Man, I’ve heard it all before
But they won’t bring me down
And they won’t subvert my claim
Every bird feeder’s fair game
Suddenly the fog has lifted
By fifty per cent
Mother always said I’m gifted
Is this what she meant?
Shattering the canopy of glass
Has brought of panoply
Of derision, yet I’m composed
And hold the power to succeed
I’m a very special (very special)
Very special (very special)
Very special squirrel indeed
Very special squirrel indeed
Ha ha ha ha
Special squirrel!
Lauren London - lead vocals
Copyright 2020 Zach London
