Latin Lessons with Garth


Dear Friends,

This month’s Hard Taco song, “19 Something,” is about the year Lauren and I got together. She likes to tell the story that on the day we met, I leapt over a couch to introduce myself. That’s absolutely true, but only because I mistakenly thought she was a talent agent for a parkour-themed sitcom.

Did you know? Iguanas are terrible pets.

Garth was a prickly, loveless, and stinky part of our family for a couple of years when I was in high school. Iguanas won’t breed in captivity, so Garth was probably captured in Mexico as a hatchling. I’m sure this gave him reptilian PTSD, because whenever I tried to pet him, he would sprint back and forth in his terrarium and smash his face against the glass until he had a nosebleed. But other than these phrenetic bouts of self-mutilation, he never moved a muscle. He just basked on his heat rock, unblinking, like one of those street artists who covers themselves with paint and holds perfectly still until you pay them.

Let me reiterate that iguanas are terrible pets. They are unpleasant to touch, they’re totally disloyal, and if you let them out for even a second, they will run behind your parents’ 600-pound bookshelf and try as hard as they can to freeze to death.

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I’ve got the fattest hands
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I’ve got the baddest band
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I knew a girl when I was back in the war
She had that vintage smell
What the hell was that for?
And you know, back then
Everything went according to plan
And you know, back then
I had the most checkered past
Will the record last
And if no,
I better set it again

I’ve got the bleakest grin
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I’ve got the weakest chin
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I knew the girl was hot stuff with an axe
She only turned heads
When she was breaking necks
And you know, back then
I had the most checkered past
Will the record last
I don’t know
I better set it again


Matt Cameron - additional vocals


Copyright 2016 Zach London

All songs written and performed by Zach London unless otherwise indicated.

All songs written and performed by Zach London unless otherwise indicated.

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