International Waters!

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for October, "Run Randomonium" is frenetic, fresh, frenzied, and Freudian. And for you, it’s free.

We're starting to think about planning a family vacation next year, and intend to advocate for a transatlantic cruise. Caribbean cruises are very pleasant, and I like hurricane-ravaged jewelry shops as much as the next guy, but I have a very good reason for wanting to go all the way across the pond. Once you are 24 nautical miles from the coast, you are no longer subject to the laws of any sovereign nation! If you get caught smuggling exotic plants or murdering an endangered bird, there will be ZERO legal consequences. All you have to do is shout "international waters!" and throw the bodies overboard before the ship gets within 24 nautical miles of your destination.

Now that I've picked my trip and premeditated some maritime crimes, I need to choose a cruise line. Here are the top contenders.

Princess
Clientele: The decidedly old.
Entertainment: Aaron Copeland impersonators.
Typical amenities: Power scooter-accessible lifeboats, "Teen Club" for travelers between the age of 113 and 118.
Unique features: Ticket price covered by most long-term care insurance policies.

Read more

Download Song

I’ve got the fattest hands
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I’ve got the baddest band
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I knew a girl when I was back in the war
She had that vintage smell
What the hell was that for?
And you know, back then
Everything went according to plan
And you know, back then
I had the most checkered past
Will the record last
And if no,
I better set it again

I’ve got the bleakest grin
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I’ve got the weakest chin
Call Guinness
Call Guinness
It’s record time

I knew the girl was hot stuff with an axe
She only turned heads
When she was breaking necks
And you know, back then
I had the most checkered past
Will the record last
I don’t know
I better set it again


Matt Cameron - additional vocals


Copyright 2016 Zach London

All songs written and performed by Zach London unless otherwise indicated.

All songs written and performed by Zach London unless otherwise indicated.

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